Well. According to my records, the new moon begins tomorrow and I have this final day of month five to post my blog. Transformation continues. Just when I think I will get a respite from change, new information comes and rocks my world. This past month I received many, many messages from my past. Some made me smile, some cry, and all made me listen to my inner being. Last month, I was preparing to remain true to my feelings no matter what others may try to place upon me through expectation or judgment. It was a good lesson. If you have tried to be honest with yourself, it’s okay to reserve your own counsel no matter what the prevailing customs may deem appropriate. I am not important and my presence is not required. Still, seeing images of individuals from one’s past will churn up many feelings. What matters most is that those feelings are acknowledged. Across time there were significant interactions that helped mold who we were to become. Because I listened to others and myself, I am happy that I am still open to change and the inevitable learning outcomes of change.
Here’s hoping next month is a little easier. 🙂
Since my last post there have been internalized repercussions to my acceptance of random collisions. This has been terrifying and caused deep insecurity. However, undaunted, I have refused to give in to fear. Fear is my ally, not my tormentor. I have All My Relations to thank for that truth. What is needed in times of existential crisis? I rely on pro-active tools for health, well-being and balance. First, I reached out to the wise women of my circle. These are women who know and understand me. I am able to fully define my thoughts with them and receive the blessing of their counsel. From this, I received a beautiful mantra: I am Safe, in the Embrace, of Divine Grace. Next, one must keep the body moving. I have engaged in aerobic dance, yoga, and gardening on a daily basis. As I become physically stronger, so does the intention of my resolve. Finally, to accompany a stronger body, one must eat and rest well. While I have felt overwhelmingly fatigued, one of my counsel assured me that this was a feminine and body wisdom to heed its message. As a result, I am returning to self, which is a humble clarity that all things in life come in waves and are meant to teach us to embrace these lessons. Indeed, one’s life may change in an instant.
Change in my world has been imminent. There have been signs everywhere. Waiting for it over the past month was absurdly agonizing. However, I know that I have enduring relationships. I don’t have to look far for meaning. All I have to do is conjure change. I know that All My Relations will help me.
So I began to dream change by using the symbolic representation of Real Estate. However, my dream of change has taken a different course. One of my “adopted” daughters moved in with me last Thursday which preceded our planning by a couple of months. I find this amusing.
Other omens of change are unfolding. It is exhilarating. I love to dust off the cobwebs and try something new.
Whatever happens will have its challenges, but it will be good too.
This moon cycle, I realized that I needed to adapt the 6th Feminine Truth from when I first started this blog. This Truth is about how one speaks one’s personal truth consciously knowing that it is an art form. How many of us can or do speak without judgment, making comparisons, or having expectations? This can be a very challenging mind set to achieve.
My worthy opponents have always been people who don’t share the same philosophical underpinnings as me. Their world views usually appear at a far off distance from mine if one were to look at a continuum.
I have been practicing letting go.
Some of the reason for this is because I think that I am preparing for a move of some kind. Currently, there is a lot of creative energy for me regarding movement. Ideas are exploding. Mostly, it feels like a change of locale, but who knows? What I do know is that the more I let go of resentments and realize that annoyances may exist literally in my backyard or next door, it is still my choice to be completely free. Once I achieve this state of balance, I know that whatever change is to happen, will come graciously. Actually this is terrific motivation for diligent practice.
I first have to apologize for not keeping up with my blog these past few weeks. This year I promised to relay all of the “happenings” that I have observed in my life related to the feminine truths. As you recall from my last post, I experienced a sudden crumbling, if you will, of my right knee and my ability to support myself. During the eight moon cycle, the time in which I am to embrace change, I experienced a breakdown in my respiratory system. This was an old wound that reoccurred dramatically and frightened me because I could not fathom why it had reappeared. When one is unable to breathe, the body begins to shut down and the most that one can hope for is to remain calm and move through the intense discomfort in a systematic way.
The first thing I did was call upon the body workers that I know and trust. I knew that the origins of this dis-ease centered in my throat chakra from traumatic stress. Since that time, my olfactory system is extremely sensitive and I have become susceptible to asthma (which, thankfully, I do not have). I live in a green belt where during the month of August, there is a lot of agricultural dust in the air. One of the driving forces of my taking up the mantle of “shamanic” warrioress is the capability of healing myself. And, as I posted last time, when your intuitive self knows that you are not doing what you know to be right you are out of balance with your ethical self. I have desired to be more in sync with my body and, confronted with shamanic death, I knew that I had to act with a consistent determination and courage.
There are many things that I have learned these past 3 weeks. I have cleansed my body from the inside and out. I have rationally identified the precise stressors (physically, emotionally and spiritually) that will throw me off kilter. I have embraced this change. I am a different person now. The healing is proceeding slowly and sometimes I think it is good and sometimes I think it is extremely frustrating. But I am, most definitely getting better–healthier and (w)holier. Today was the first day that I felt clear enough to write. So I hope you will forgive the lapse.
* “She Who Heals” is the name of the eighth moon from Jamie Sams book, The 13 Original Clan Mothers.